Let's face it folks, times are tough for everyone. I know this all too well, and if you've been following Dorkgasm over the years, you know we've had our ups and downs. This last year has been a down. I finished college and found a job market that was in the shitter. In times like this, a lot of folks get scared. Hell, I'm scared. My phone just got shut off, and rent is due in a few weeks. This site has fallen into disrepair because I just haven't had time for it. I started going to school for my Masters because, as much as I love it, being a freelance writer isn't paying the bills. Student loans help fill the gap for me and my family of five. Other people, also scared in these hard times, turn to things that scare me more. They hate. They blame. They start seeing enemies that aren't really there.
Anyone who has met and spoke with me for any length of time has typically been treated to two of my favorite subjects: Star Wars and Soccer. Hell, I even confuse people here in the States by calling it football. If the subjects don’t come up somehow, then usually tattoos have in some way, and I’ve got one for each, on each shoulder. On the left is a Mandalorian emblem, and on the right is the crest for Manchester United. These facts are well known to my friends, so last week they all started sending me the same video, over and over. Even my ex-wife sent it to me in a rare show of “no one loves soccer and Star Wars more than this guy”. So then, why don’t I love the new Addidas World Cup commercial featuring Chalmun’s Cantina in Mos Eisley from Star Wars?
We tune in only because we know the characters, forgiving massive plot holes and shoddy acting in favor of familiarity, and we do it to the tune of billions (with a “B”) every summer. For the company shoving a crappy ball down the collective throats of the world’s best players, maybe it makes sense to emulate a model that has sold us sparkly vampires and nameless Decepticon fodder.
Transformers 2 was the biggest piece of soulless cinematic crap this side of the centennial divide. The film was poorly written, poorly directed, and all too often “we’ll fix it in post” was used as an excuse for making a film in the same way Ed Wood used to make his “masterpieces”. Now comes word that genre favorite, Alan Tudyk, famed for dying on screen far too often, has signed on for Transformers 3. I guess he looked at it as a way to finally kill his last shred of dignity on film too.
Dear Mr. Bay
I would like to ask you to please handle your mining of my childhood with a little more tact in the future. The 1980's were good times for me, and I'd really prefer if you handle the Transformers, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Friday the 13th, with a little more finesse than your average carjacker.
On my morning commute a few weeks ago, back before the seas ran retarded with people flocking to see the Dark Knight, I was listening to the radio. Call me old fashioned, but when driving the wide open pitch black roads of Southern Wisconsin before the sun has said hello, I venture on the safe side and allow for the possibility messages from the emergency broadcast system, rather than MP3's or CDs.