Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

Please Note: This is only the opinion of a lone nut living in the Wisconsin wilds. They in no way reflect the thinking of the Dorkgasm staff, editors, contributors, sponsors, or anyone else, humanity-wide. I am my own person, and as such am a big boy. I tell it how I see it, and I would expect your wussies to do the same. Beware the strong, fucking language So, here we go. Another Oscar night in the can, and nothing to show for it. Oh, sure. Heath Ledger got a posthumous Oscar for playing a comic book villian, but anyone who thinks the performance had anything to do with it is either sadly mistaken or stoned out of their fucking gourd.

Dear Mr. Bay

I would like to ask you to please handle your mining of my childhood with a little more tact in the future. The 1980's were good times for me, and I'd really prefer if you handle the Transformers, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Friday the 13th, with a little more finesse than your average carjacker.

On my morning commute a few weeks ago, back before the seas ran retarded with people flocking to see the Dark Knight, I was listening to the radio. Call me old fashioned, but when driving the wide open pitch black roads of Southern Wisconsin before the sun has said hello, I venture on the safe side and allow for the possibility messages from the emergency broadcast system, rather than MP3's or CDs.

I Guess They'll Never Get It By J. Sternberg             I originally saw the CSI Episode entitled "Urban Hellraisers" months ago, and until it showed up again on my DVR, I had pretty much written it off. All initial outrage fades when exposure is minimized, but it had to show up again, and now I have to get it out.

A Sad State of Affairs (or the tazers for prosperity project) By J. Sternberg             I'm sure by now we've all seen the trailer. Superhero Movie is coming soon to a theater near you. Also in theaters, is Will Ferrell plays a totally obnoxious jackass with a profession of some kind part 180, the sequel's sequel's sequel's sequel's sequel's sequel's sequel, yadda yadda WHAT THE FUCK????

Other Site's Game Reviewers and Why They Suck By Gerald Robinson So here's a quickie I needed to get out of my system after I read it. I was trolling Gamespot.com reading their new reviews when I came across the review for Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles on the Wii. Sweet, right? I want the game and will probably have it in a week or two, so lets see what everyone is saying about it. For those of you outside of the loop, Gamespot likes to list "The Good" and "The Bad" about each game at the beginning of the review. Often times this is good enough to get a feel for everything they're about to say and occasionally the only thing you need to bother looking at.