Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

Hey everybody, it's your old pal Haggard Ass J. I know some of you have been wondering (Ken and Mike, but hopefully more, fuck, a dork can dream can't he??) what good ol' HAJ has been up to, well here's the fat and skinny...

Corrupted by Ghosts: How I Learned to Swear Thanks to Pac-Man
By
J. Blaze Ward
Guest Writer

I remember well The Days Before Video Games. I remember frolicking along the Snake River, which wasn't actually the Snake River, but such things matter not to little boys. I remember finding different ways to bash myself against the ground at high speed involving tree swings, old Schwinn's, and just leaping into open space. I remember the dark winter night times that began almost as soon as I got off the bus from Pullman to our little old house in Albion. I remember games of push-pull in a field of thistles and nettles on the other side of the creek (or perhaps 'crick' depending on your geographic preference) that ran through our back yard. I remember Cub Scouts, and knot-work, and fire starting, and camping, and staring at the stars while wondering if the one that was moving was a satellite or if the aliens had finally come to take me away.

I remember the brief, distant rumble one morning as everything changed. I remember feeling something like that only once before in my life, when I was at my father's house and a brief tremor had rocked his small California town. The way the knick-knacks on a shelf nearby trembled, and how my stomach felt all funny. Then it had gone, just like it had in the shower that morning on May 18th, 1980. The day started normally, I went outside, played with my friends in the mud and the dirt and the thistles, coming home for lunch at about noon. A few hearty PBnJs later, there was a knock at the door. A mailman had a package for me, and like any youth-abiding lad I tore into it with all the gusto of Bill Gates ripping into an upstart computer company. I took it apart, packaging peanuts flying hither and thither, to uncover the treasure within: An Atari 2600.

Ah, Rockhead's. If you live in the Kenosha area, no other name is as synonymous with comics and gaming as this one. Back when I was a wee lad just out of the whelping box, I remember when the comic store moved in just across from the Aladdin's Castle arcade in the Market Square complex. Finally! A place where I could get all of my comics in one shot instead of going to all of the other retail stores in town. Yes sir, twenty years ago, I got my first taste of the true comic book store. Now, other comic book stores came and went in this town, but Rockhead's always remained there. Sure, it moved around to a couple different places, but it pretty much remained the same. So, I thought it would be fitting for me to drop in and show my support for the store that gave me my lifeblood for so long ago. So myself and my buddies Randy and Jimmy grabbed some Chinese food and went down to get our comic party on. I do not know what I expected, but I never expected what I saw.

Just to give my fellow staff writers and all the readers out there an update, the angelknight will once again be descending on the great city of Kenosha on the 21st of August and I hope to see all my friends very soon as I will be in town for 39 days before I head to Tacoma. Please do me a favor and post a few comments on this thread so I know so of you are still alive and talking to me. I hope to see all of you very soon and hope to hear from you sooner. One other note to all my fellow dork writers and associates keep up the great job on the site and the articles.

Dorkgasm.com’s Villain Of The Year

Matthew S. Harrison / Matt Pletcher

By Kenneth Holm Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer

Folks, 2007 has just ended. We can look back upon those interesting 365 days with a wiser eye now, as hindsight is usually 20/20. It was hard to pick only one person to be our villain of the year. There have been many abominations committed in the Dork Culture landscape this past year, many of which still leave a bitter and rancid taste in my mouth. However, in the closing days of 2007, one person reared his ugly head and stood up to accept this “honor”. One man destroyed the dreams of hundreds, no, thousands, of people. I am referring to, of course, the scoundrel known as Matthew S. Harrison, the former producer of Death Walks The Streets.

Best (and Worst) of 2007: Theatrical Releases By Kenneth Holm Senior Staff Writer             Herein lies a few surprises, as we chronicle the best and worst to hit theaters in 2007. Agree or disagree, and some of you will strongly do both. As with anything we publish, feel free to share your opinion! Notice, however, that the films on the Best list aren't all high-brow mularky and not all the films on the Worst list are genre films. Better yet, we've got a middle list, because that's how we roll. Read on and see if we're full of it or not!

Best of 2007: Graphic Fiction By Michael C. Riedlinger Editor-In-Chief             2007 was a banner year for the comics industry, which only made this list more difficult. Both of the big companies released great trade collections, and continuing series at both indie and major companies were top notch all around. Some of this list may surprise you, some of it may infuriate you. Good. Maybe your favorite obscure title, the one that made the TIME or NEWSWEEK lists, isn't on here. Go yell from the mountaintop about how no one's reading it, but maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe there are a few titles here that you disagree with entirely, that's fine too. Let the debate begin!

Best of 2007: DVDs By Anonymous Jones             2007 was a great year for DVD, and it was excruciatingly hard to pick only twenty. While I was bored, I waded through two hundred and eleven pages on 2007 releases to refresh my memory and pick out the best twenty out of all of them. While it did turn out to be a multi-day process, I am proud to share with you my favorites of this past year. Here they are, in no particular order.

What really grinds my gears?
A Food Review
By
Peter Griffin
Emperor Kursan


            When approached with the idea of writing something for Dorkgasm, I tossed around many ideas, ideas such as, my deep hatred of the Underworld Series or maybe even Electra. But those will have to be saved for another day, as today one of my greatest and most powerful pet peeves reared its ugly head. Consequently, I had no choice but to address it, as the blinding rage that it induces will push all other coherent and civilized thought out of my brain.