Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

          Yep, David Carradine is dead at age 72.  The BBC is reporting that he hanged himself in a closet with a curtain cord in a Bangkok hotel last night.  Why was he in Thailand?  He was apparently there to film a movie called Stretch though let's be honest, none of us would have seen the damn thing, would we have?  Initial reports coming out of the infamous NAMBLA playground indicate no foul play was involved, but a lot of folks have suggested that maybe The Bride could have done it.  Hell, if she had been, this wouldn't be such a sad occurance.

          The fact is, there are very few who will likely be truly saddened by Carradine's death.  Sure, we'll see the requisite "he'll be missed" crap, but if we're being honest here, then we should admit that he wasn't much more than a bad B-Movie actor whose biggest role came because racist TV execs couldn't fathom putting the "can't hide that he's Asian" Bruce Lee in his own TV show.  What else is Carradine known for?  There's Kill Bill 1&2, of course, but Uma Thurman caught almost all the attention on that flick, and Dave was pissed as hell about it from all we heard.  I ran into David Carradine at a convention around those years, and the guy, quite frankly, was a bigger asshole than Ken Foree.  Maybe it was because he was still doing $10 autographs at dork-filled conventions while Uma was hitting the tabloid scene and fielding offers for films that wouldn't be going direct to DVD, but I tell you, he was one VERY unhappy camper around 2004. 

          I did hear one cool, be it apocryphal, story around that time though.  A sword dealer I met claimed that David came around to his booth on the first day of the convention and eyed the array of samurai and ninja swords on display.  The booth owner asked if there was anything he liked, and Carradine asked for the sharpest sword he had.  After presenting the Kung-Fu star with the weapon, the merchant asked for an autograph and maybe a picture holding said merchandise.  David Carradine responded by turning around and slicing the man's table in half.  "Not bad," the eponymous Death Race driver responded.  He handed back the sword, and took off for the bar across the street... Or so the story goes.  I was in the bar when he came in, and all the guy wanted, it seemed, was to be left in peace.

          Did you see what I referenced there?  Yep, crap B-Movies and TV shows.  The fact is, love him or hate him, David Carradine was not a great star.  Sure, he had some memorable roles, but Karate Cop and Waxworks 2 are NOT on anyone's "classics" lists, are they?  His biggest film was probably Kill Bill, and unlike John Travolta's brush with Tarantino, Dave failed to capitalize on it.  Notice that no one talked about Mickey Rourke making a comeback in Once Upon a Time in Mexico or Sin City, but waited for The Wrestler.  That's because starring in one or two big-name films does NOT a comeback make.  Don't by into the hype, Carradine's career was in the toilet.  Sure, he still had a career, and there are those that will remember him for a long time for the junk he put out, but it isn't like he was going to win an Oscar anytime soon.  Maybe you're a fan of The Long Riders, or the Kung-Fu series really made you get into martial arts for the first time, but don't be sad.  Carradine took the cowards way out of a shitty situation.  Yes, Death Race 2000 will always be a guilty pleasure for me, but I know I'm not the only one out there who would have preferred he was found in the arms of a teenaged hooker rather than having strung himself up for no good reason.  Goodbye, Dave. Thanks for the memories, but let's hope we can forget the end of your story down the road.