Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

That Panda was as fast as Lightning By Michael C. Riedlinger Editor-In-Chief             Kids movies always sing the same refrain: Believe in yourself and you can do anything. Not a bad message, but the challenge is telling that moral in new and interesting ways. Kung Fu Panda does just that, and keeps up DreamWorks’ tally of funny and enjoyable animated flicks.             Jack Black stars as the voice of Po, a panda who helps his father (a duck?!) run a noodle shop, but dreams of being a kung fu master. He idolizes local heroes the Furious Five, a team consisting of anthropomorphic versions of the most famous styles of kung fu. Monkey (Jackie Chan), Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Mantis (Seth Rogan), Viper (Lucy Liu), and Crane (David Cross) are all students of Master Shifu, a red panda who hopes to impart the knowledge of ultimate power to one of his students. This becomes big news among the villagers, including Po, and everyone turns out to see which of the five will become the Dragon Warrior. Po, being a sedentary giant panda, shows up late and must find a way into the temple courtyard if he wants to see which of his heroes will be given the Scroll of the Dragon Warrior. His final attempt, fireworks tied to a chair, lands him right in the path of Master Oogway (Randall Duk Kim), the turtle doing the choosing. Thus our hero becomes the chosen one, as unlikely as that may seem.

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            Hearing this, the prodigal pupil of Master Shifu, a prisoner named Tai Lung (Ian McShane, in a villainous turn of brilliance Swearengen would be proud of), breaks himself free from the ultimate prison and sets out to confront his old master in a fit of rage. No one, especially Po or Master Shifu, believes that Po can train well enough to defeat Tai Lung. As much as the Furious Five try to convince Po he isn’t worthy, the panda sticks with it, even after they leave the city to confront their common nemesis. When all hope seems lost for our rotund hero, his biggest weakness becomes his strength. Ah, food as a motivation!             The training scenes are funny enough to keep the kids entertained, and the kung fu slapstick really is on par with anything Jackie Chan has done. Master Shifu uses Po's constant hunger to train him in the ways of a warrior, but will it be enough to defeat the evil Tai Lung? That question is answered in the film's final battle sequence, which incidentally was a better pay off than the climax of Kill Bill, Vol. 2. Though Jack Black hasn't had a real comedic hit in a while, this film makes it easy to see why Hollywood still banks on his ability to deliver a punch line. The supporting cast is also a treat in this film, with David Cross's dry delivery off-setting Black's raw energy and Angelina Jolie bring a different kind of intensity to the table. Most impressive, however, is Dustin Hoffman, who sheds the usual goofiness he adopts in comedies for a role as the straight man. The result is a family adventure that is less preachy than Mr. Magorium and more watchable than the eye-candy in Speed Racer.             This kind of movie usually finds some way to grate on my nerves, be it forced lines from a donkey, overly sentimental plot hooks with fish, or especially by being just plain boring. Kung Fu Panda exceeded my expectations by avoiding all those pitfalls and it was a sweet, funny adventure I enjoyed as much as my kids did. I fully expect single men to run out and sign up for the Big Brothers program so they can check this one out. Maybe there's nothing manly about animated kung fu, but this movie was a hell of a lot of fun.