Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

"B.C." Stands for "Beautiful Cinema"
By
Dan Thisolm

            Yes, I went and saw the movie that many thought was a remake of the famous Rachel Welch Neanderthal epic (One Million Years, B.C.), which it is not.

            In first watching 10,000 B.C., you have a peculiar recollection of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Conan flick… but this was done by Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow) and Warner Bros. I will just sum up this entire review and say it was beautifully produced and filmed. Makeup, costumes and locations are really well done. The CG is what I would call average, but believable with the long master shots that are really BIG! If you go in to see the movie to be entertained, not as a critique, you ought to appreciate this relatively simple, Conan-styled flick. There is actually a fairly easy to follow story line; good Vs. evil with witchcraft and Gods taking a backseat to the overall scope of the film. There is also love… Low self-esteem evidently prevailed in 10,000 B.C., along with pretty blue eyed girls (not a problem… she is a witch supposedly) as a matter of fact, the good guys are all striking and the bad guys are characters and look evil and bad. And they are bad! And for all you animal lovers, Wooly Mammoths! Vegan’s take heart, there are moments within the film you will want to eat a carrot and look away, but for the most part, you will feel good at the end (as if you all didn’t know), and you will cheer for your ‘friends’.

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            It is not as graphic as some movies of today are, and it is as believable as you want it to be. You could almost list it as a fable or tale… and it has good action… and did I say this was a really beautiful film? Pretty people and wonderfully produced. Don’t go if you want grunts and bad teeth. They are not here (OK, there are some grunts, yelps and I think even a harrumph but simpley for acknowledgement and approval). Don’t worry that you won’t understand the tribe talk… they speak in beautiful (damn that word again) English… even the African tribes! Sure there are some off languages going on but they are easily translated by the home “mountain tribe”. Warner Bros. releases this summary: the young hunter D’Leh (Steven Strait) has found his heart’s passion – the beautiful Evolet (Camilla Belle) But when a band of mysterious warlords raid his village and kidnap Evolet, D’Leh leads a small group of hunters to pursue the warlords to the end of the world to save her. Driven by destiny, the unlikely warriors must battle prehistoric predators while braving the harshest elements. At their heroic journey’s end, they uncover a lost civilization and learn their ultimate fate lies in an empire beyond imagination, where great pyramids reach into the skies.

            Sound like Fun! So go and see this. Normally I would not go and see a film like this but it was fun and entertaining. No more talk about how it looked. Hopefully, you will be as impressed as I.