Other Site's Game Reviewers and Why They Suck

Other Site's Game Reviewers and Why They Suck By Gerald Robinson
So here's a quickie I needed to get out of my system after I read it. I was trolling Gamespot.com reading their new reviews when I came across the review for Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles on the Wii. Sweet, right? I want the game and will probably have it in a week or two, so lets see what everyone is saying about it. For those of you outside of the loop, Gamespot likes to list "The Good" and "The Bad" about each game at the beginning of the review. Often times this is good enough to get a feel for everything they're about to say and occasionally the only thing you need to bother looking at. This isn't the first time something like this has cropped up at Gamespot or any other "professional" review site, but now that I have an outlet here at Dorkgasm, you're damn well going to hear about it. So here it is, the reviewer, Ryan Davis has this to say about one of the "Bad" parts of Resident Evil: UC, "On-rails shooter gameplay can still feel restrictive." Really? Are you fucking kidding me? You mean with an on-rails shooter game I'm stuck moving how the game wants me to move like I'm on fucking rails? No shit sherlock! What retard goes into an on-rails shooter thinking they're going to have the freedom to wander wherever the hell they want? This is like saying you're tired of jumping in Mario. This is my shout out to reviewers across the world - STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING ABOUT THE OBVIOUS! Do you need to complain that a PC game can't run on a three year old machine or that a game called Dungeon Twat involves some slut in a maze? No, you review the game for what it does INSIDE of its fucking genre! When's the last time someone complained that they were tired of shooting people in Halo? FUCK THAT!