Adidas Star Wars Commercial | My Two Cents 2

We tune in only because we know the characters, forgiving massive plot holes and shoddy acting in favor of familiarity, and we do it to the tune of billions (with a “B”) every summer. For the company shoving a crappy ball down the collective throats of the world’s best players, maybe it makes sense to emulate a model that has sold us sparkly vampires and nameless Decepticon fodder.

This is the only ball you're looking for...

See, the decision does make sense if you’re paying attention. Adidas catches a bunch of flack for attempting to make a better ball because, you know, “round” doesn’t translate to higher sales apparently. We see Snoop slicing Ponda Baba, Greedo getting shot by the geek from Tropic Thunder, and Franz Beckenbauer hanging out for no reason. The only ball in the whole damn thing is in that poster next to Beckham. Hell, most Americans probably don’t know that they’re playing in the tournament anyway, right? Except that the other videos out there prove otherwise.

At first glance, that looks like a commercial with an awful lot of foreign stars in it. Americans might know Ronaldo, Drogba, and Rooney, but look at the video again for a second.

If they would only grow Forest Gump beards, they'd be UNSTOPPABLE!

Holy crap! That’s the US Men’s National Team! Not just Landon Donovan in some fantasy sequence, but a bunch of our players, grinning themselves stupid over fantasy-Rooney screwing his team! That’s a lot of exclamation points over a bunch of guys Adidas probably figured we don’t know. Besides, it isn’t like that makes soccer very mainstream. Maybe the real reason Nike, a huge American company, relegated the USMNT to a cameo is because we’ll never call it football, and it will always be an underground sport here that only foreigners care about. But then there’s this:

Yes, that’s American rapper Akon singing about Africa and the World Cup. It’s the theme of this year’s tournament, and you can’t really count Akon as “underground” or “foreign”. The song is catchy, and he even calls it “football”! It’s like he channeled the epicness of the FIFA World Cup and The Lion King all at once and made a song that was accessible to any American. Of course, these two videos came out before the Adidas vid, but I’m sure with all the stars and CGI, the Star Wars video took a hell of a lot longer to make. How was Adidas to know that Americans might care more about the World Cup than buying Star Wars-branded shoes?

Sure to start a trend of inner-city dorks beating each other up for their shoes

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